It has been more than a year since my last entry. So many things have happened. My last entry came at a time when I was getting frustrated and tired with all our fertility treatments. It reached a point where I just wanted to stop trying and let nature take its course. I became cranky. I was an emotional mess inside. I knew that I didn't want to be that person.
In late 2008 we got pregnant (without the help of any drugs) after 2 failed IUIs. December 13, two days after confirming the pregnancy via hpt and ultrasound I started bleeding heavily. I didn't feel any physical pain but the hole that it left inside me felt so dark and bottomless. We lost our baby at about 5.5 weeks. Experiencing a miscarriage left us feeling emotionally drained. Until now not a lot of people know that we went through a miscarriage. The few people who knew tried to be supportive. However some were unsure of how to handle the situation, unsure of what to say. At times I just felt numb. Some comments were quite insensitive. Well at least that's how I perceived them to be. Most of the time it was just Alfred and I trying to comfort each other. When one was weak, the other one offered strength and stability. I will admit that I often found myself on the weak side. On March 4 I had to undergo a laparoscopic surgery to remove a cyst in my left ovary. The cyst had to be taken out before it ruptured and caused bigger problems. The size was somewhere between a golf ball and a tennis ball. My left ovary was saved and I healed fast. I still have the three small scars from the surgery but they are nothing compared to the gift that was about to be presented to us.
What followed the surgery was 5 months of rest, detox (I started practicing Bikram yoga), eating healthy and wholesome food, plus a list of countless good stuff you can give your mind and body as gifts. I also had very meaningful conversations with God. I told Him that I was ready to let him take over. I knew that he had a plan for us and I was ready to just follow.
I got my last period on August 7. That was it. The next month... Nothing. After a week of waiting Alfred and I bought two pregnancy test kits. Both were positive! We were jumping for joy! We felt so giddy when we saw our baby's heartbeat! Christmas came early for us in 2009 and we can't wait to meet our baby in May. I am now 5 months pregnant and loving every minute of it! In four months I will give birth to our son! It really is an exciting time for us. I've said this in the early weeks of my pregnancy, that all the drama from the last 3 years seem so far away now. You really just have to have faith. Just believe.
Today is the first day of 2010. I hope that you are spending it with your loved ones. Continue to pray, live and dream! Let us all welcome the new year with open arms!
Friday, January 1, 2010
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