Welcome 01.01.2010 (learning from the past)

It has been more than a year since my last entry. So many things have happened. My last entry came at a time when I was getting frustrated and tired with all our fertility treatments. It reached a point where I just wanted to stop trying and let nature take its course. I became cranky. I was an emotional mess inside. I knew that I didn't want to be that person.

In late 2008 we got pregnant (without the help of any drugs) after 2 failed IUIs. December 13, two days after confirming the pregnancy via hpt and ultrasound I started bleeding heavily. I didn't feel any physical pain but the hole that it left inside me felt so dark and bottomless. We lost our baby at about 5.5 weeks. Experiencing a miscarriage left us feeling emotionally drained. Until now not a lot of people know that we went through a miscarriage. The few people who knew tried to be supportive. However some were unsure of how to handle the situation, unsure of what to say. At times I just felt numb. Some comments were quite insensitive. Well at least that's how I perceived them to be. Most of the time it was just Alfred and I trying to comfort each other. When one was weak, the other one offered strength and stability. I will admit that I often found myself on the weak side. On March 4 I had to undergo a laparoscopic surgery to remove a cyst in my left ovary. The cyst had to be taken out before it ruptured and caused bigger problems. The size was somewhere between a golf ball and a tennis ball. My left ovary was saved and I healed fast. I still have the three small scars from the surgery but they are nothing compared to the gift that was about to be presented to us.

What followed the surgery was 5 months of rest, detox (I started practicing Bikram yoga), eating healthy and wholesome food, plus a list of countless good stuff you can give your mind and body as gifts. I also had very meaningful conversations with God. I told Him that I was ready to let him take over. I knew that he had a plan for us and I was ready to just follow.

I got my last period on August 7. That was it. The next month... Nothing. After a week of waiting Alfred and I bought two pregnancy test kits. Both were positive! We were jumping for joy! We felt so giddy when we saw our baby's heartbeat! Christmas came early for us in 2009 and we can't wait to meet our baby in May. I am now 5 months pregnant and loving every minute of it! In four months I will give birth to our son! It really is an exciting time for us. I've said this in the early weeks of my pregnancy, that all the drama from the last 3 years seem so far away now. You really just have to have faith. Just believe.

Today is the first day of 2010. I hope that you are spending it with your loved ones. Continue to pray, live and dream! Let us all welcome the new year with open arms!

I Don't Miss You: Does this make me a bad person?

I DON'T MISS YOU. I woke up this morning with that thought in my head. Am I turning into an evil evil person? I turned to Alfred and told him how I was feeling. Somehow I had to tell somebody close to me just to double check that I'm not going insane or perhaps insensitive? Alfred just held me close and assured me that what I was feeling towards you was completely understandable.

I did try and I still am trying to win your approval. But I've been brushed aside so many times. So many times you turned your back and countless other times you just walked out. Unavailable. That was my term for you. You were simply unavailable. Are you still unavailable? I never thought that feeling this way was even possible. In a faraway place and in a forgotten time your eyes lit up whenever I entered the room. That memory is slowly fading. Can we ever go back? You know if we both want to we can.

My Lolo Jessie

Today my hero began a journey back to his Creator. Back to a place where there is no pain, no sorrow, no suffering. Lolo Jessie left this world today April 21, 2008 (3:20am) At 85 years old, my grandfather lived a full and adventurous life.
I grew up in his house. Lolo Jessie and Lola Cora took care of me like I was their own daughter. My parents were young medical students at that time and Lolo Jessie took care of our needs without asking for anything in return.My Lolo was our family's beacon and anchor.
A big part of who I am now I owe to Lolo Jessie and Lola Cora. The values that both of them have passed on to me are trully precious and can never be measured or quantified. They worked well together as a couple. Nevermind the usual "married life squabbles"(I know now that this is part of the package). I am now a wife and hopefully an expectant mom (working on a baby project) I always look back and think of their words and examples.
Lolo lived a very simple and quiet life. He would sacrifice anything and everything for his loved ones. Sometimes he would even leave nothing for himself. He took on every challenge with a steely and determined look on his face. I knew just by looking at him that he was already planning and plotting his next move in his mind. I consider myself very fortunate to have known such a man. He always had something very meaningful to impart. Of course he was a man of few words, but his words had weight and substance. Something very rare nowadays!
I will pass on so many important life lessons to my future children and grand children. I will always have memories of Lolo Jessie and how he faced life's greatest tests. I'm sure he's found Lola Cora again and they're probably sitting together, hand in hand, looking down and watching over us.


Thank you Lolo Jessie! See you again! Thank you for always being there during all my life's great and not so great moments. I will always be grateful to you! Please send our warm regards to Lola Cora!

Optimism

When I feel down I pray to my God and reflect on the countless blessings that he has showered upon me. During trying times I find peace in knowing that I have strength and love coming from a being who is far greater than any of us.


The Optimist's Creed

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Look at the sunny side of everything and make your
optimism come true.

Think only of the best,
work only for the best,
and expect only the best.

Forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.

Live in the faith that
the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true
to the best that is in you!"

- Christian D. Larson

Teachers

"You, whose day it is, make it beautiful. Get out your rainbow colors, that it may be beautiful." -a Nekootsa Indian Poem


Some of my fondest childhood memories are those that revolve around school life. My teachers were my idols! Some were very strict and stern while others were so warm and carefree. Each of them helped in molding me to be a better student, a better human being.

But I know for a fact that being a teacher is not an easy feat. A teacher acts as a parent and role model. They are (in a very big way) responsible for the growth and development of each learner. I usually find myself thinking if my students actually learn something from me and my classes. I hope that they see art beyond the canvas and the color wheel. Having been given the opportunity to teach and work with young children is a great privilege. Truly a great gift!




I work with such dedicated and selfless teachers. They always go above and beyond their call of duty. Each day I learn something new from them. Each lesson I try to carry over and apply in my daily life.



I constantly need to remind myself that learning is an ongoing process. I am very lucky to be surrounded by such passionate, dedicated, patient and hardworking teachers.

Thank you for making my stay a memorable one.


* photos taken at Gerry's Grill, Libis QC, during Teachers' Day celebration