Take the pain away

This morning I got out of bed with a stabbing pain in my abdomen. So painful that it made me throw up. I had cold sweats all over. I was alone at home. I called several people but I couldn't reach any of them. Alfred was at the gym and he didn't bring any of his phones. I mustered all my energy to get up and heat myself some water for a hot compress. I even fell by the kitchen sink. It was that painful. I stormed the heavens to please take the pain away! Alfred came home in about an hour and helped me get some fluids and meds. Earlier, I called my doctor to update her. She advised me to take Ponstan. She said that the endometriosis is the one causing this pain.

I finally settled down and fell asleep under a bundle of blankets and a warm bottle close to my tummy. It's close to 4pm now and I'm feeling a bit better. Was able to get up and take a bath, made myself some food then washed the dishes. This pain happens every month so by now you'd think that I'm so used to it already. No!! This month is such a bitch. But I'm tired of lying down and resting! I'm going to my dad's house tonight to have dinner. Some company and comfort food might help.

Tomorrow is another day...

New Bitch on the Blog

I got my period yesterday. Another false alarm. Another month of follicle monitoring, killer Clomid and Pregnyl shots. I've been undergoing treatment for about 9 months now. I'm done with the HSG (clear), but I have reservations about laparoscopy.

It really has taken its toll on me. The Clomid alone drives me up the wall! There are times when i spend the entire week crying. I get super irritated and emotional about the slightest comments about my condition. Sometimes I wonder how my husband can stand me.

Speaking of comments. Some people can just be so insensitive sometimes. Why do I always have to be nice and respectful? When what I really want to do is have a bitch fit and tell everybody to go f**k off. Oops, those are the hormones going wild! Seriously, people should know what to say to someone who is undergoing infertility treatments. Going through this is hard and it hits you on all levels. There are a million and one things going on in your body and in your mind. You try your best to stay centered. Then some insensitive comment hits you. Bam!!!! You feel like a house of cards crashing down down down. So what am I saying here? Just please be more sensitive. A simple "I'm always praying for you" is more than enough. Stop bombarding me with your questions, stop giving me "suggestions". Arghh! Just.stop.it.

Really, all that my body's going thru and the choices that I make are none of your business.

When I am left alone I am able to better manage the side effects of my meds. When I am left alone I am able to sit quietly and pray. I know its all about faith and that God will give our baby to us at the right time. So in the mean time, can the insensitives just learn to give me space? Really.

With You

It's 3am. Alfred and I are still up. Just finished drafting documents for work and sending out e-mails to clients. So nice to be in bed, typing away on our own Macs, exchanging ideas and whatnots. Great team. Very cool. Ok bed time! Nite nite!






Here's a very serene image that Alfred took while in Thailand. I love its soft and quiet textures.

Image Alfredo Mendoza

Missing

I miss my mom. It's been more than a year since I last saw her. Where could she be? Is she safe? So many questions run in my head, day in and day out. All I have now are memories etched in my heart. Memories from a time of simple joys and childhood innocence.

My Lolo Jessie

Today my hero began a journey back to his Creator. Back to a place where there is no pain, no sorrow, no suffering. Lolo Jessie left this world today April 21, 2008 (3:20am) At 85 years old, my grandfather lived a full and adventurous life.
I grew up in his house. Lolo Jessie and Lola Cora took care of me like I was their own daughter. My parents were young medical students at that time and Lolo Jessie took care of our needs without asking for anything in return.My Lolo was our family's beacon and anchor.
A big part of who I am now I owe to Lolo Jessie and Lola Cora. The values that both of them have passed on to me are trully precious and can never be measured or quantified. They worked well together as a couple. Nevermind the usual "married life squabbles"(I know now that this is part of the package). I am now a wife and hopefully an expectant mom (working on a baby project) I always look back and think of their words and examples.
Lolo lived a very simple and quiet life. He would sacrifice anything and everything for his loved ones. Sometimes he would even leave nothing for himself. He took on every challenge with a steely and determined look on his face. I knew just by looking at him that he was already planning and plotting his next move in his mind. I consider myself very fortunate to have known such a man. He always had something very meaningful to impart. Of course he was a man of few words, but his words had weight and substance. Something very rare nowadays!
I will pass on so many important life lessons to my future children and grand children. I will always have memories of Lolo Jessie and how he faced life's greatest tests. I'm sure he's found Lola Cora again and they're probably sitting together, hand in hand, looking down and watching over us.


Thank you Lolo Jessie! See you again! Thank you for always being there during all my life's great and not so great moments. I will always be grateful to you! Please send our warm regards to Lola Cora!

Optimism

When I feel down I pray to my God and reflect on the countless blessings that he has showered upon me. During trying times I find peace in knowing that I have strength and love coming from a being who is far greater than any of us.


The Optimist's Creed

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Look at the sunny side of everything and make your
optimism come true.

Think only of the best,
work only for the best,
and expect only the best.

Forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.

Live in the faith that
the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true
to the best that is in you!"

- Christian D. Larson

Teachers

"You, whose day it is, make it beautiful. Get out your rainbow colors, that it may be beautiful." -a Nekootsa Indian Poem


Some of my fondest childhood memories are those that revolve around school life. My teachers were my idols! Some were very strict and stern while others were so warm and carefree. Each of them helped in molding me to be a better student, a better human being.

But I know for a fact that being a teacher is not an easy feat. A teacher acts as a parent and role model. They are (in a very big way) responsible for the growth and development of each learner. I usually find myself thinking if my students actually learn something from me and my classes. I hope that they see art beyond the canvas and the color wheel. Having been given the opportunity to teach and work with young children is a great privilege. Truly a great gift!




I work with such dedicated and selfless teachers. They always go above and beyond their call of duty. Each day I learn something new from them. Each lesson I try to carry over and apply in my daily life.



I constantly need to remind myself that learning is an ongoing process. I am very lucky to be surrounded by such passionate, dedicated, patient and hardworking teachers.

Thank you for making my stay a memorable one.


* photos taken at Gerry's Grill, Libis QC, during Teachers' Day celebration

I am a work in progress

positive thinking, honesty, and acceptance are bundled together in the healing process. There are good days and yes there are off days. But everyday I do my best to see the good and strike out the negative. I don't always succeed. You see, all of us are works in progress.
This blog is my space to write about my thoughts and emotions without being judged and ridiculed.